I hope my fellow Office-lovers caught the reference above...
So today I turned the big 2-3. Nearly a quarter of a century old! 7 years away from 30! Old enough to drink, not old enough to rent a car! Any way you put it, today is my 23rd birthday.
The day started out wonderfully, I woke up extra early to send a bon voyage text message, then managed to get in a few more hours of ZZZs before I had to get up for work. Despite going to bed before 11 PM last night (a very rare occurance), I could not get myself motivated to actually get up at my 9 AM alarm, and pressed snooze till 10:15, when I absolutely had to get up. The day got off to a bit of a rough start...
I've gotten into the habit of leaving my clock radio on as I get ready in the mornings, and lately I've been on a bit of an NPR kick. The Walt Bodein show plays from 10-11 when I'm getting ready, and it's usually pretty entertaining! Well, today the main topic of discussion just happened to be: (duh duh duuuuh) suicide! How to prevent it, how to cope with it, and various statistics. Needless to say, I took it as a bad omen for the rest of the day. While hurrying about to get dressed and hair dried, I got a nice, albeit, awkward phone call from an ex wishing me happy birthday. I realize that I do have some difficulty forming complex sentences before noon, so I'll take the blame on that awkwardness. As I got downstairs, expecting to find the usual birthday card from my mother on the kitchen table, I was disappointed to see no cards or presents, but shook it off anyway and was determined to be in a good mood!
So I managed to get out the door, fully dressed, hair dried, makeup on, feeling great! During the drive I started to contemplate what kind of goodies I'd like to pick up for work, debating between cookies or bagels, when I get my first birthday surprise. As I was in the right lane on K-10, a guy in a crappy brown acura pulled up beside me, honked his horn to get my attention, and in the few seconds I look over managed to drawn my attention downward where he was blatantly pleasuring himself at 70 MPH. Absolutely disgusted, I looked away, but not before noticing the empty child's car-seat in the back of his car. Awesome.
When I got to Lawrence I picked up some bagels and my favorite garden veggie shmear, and spent the afternoon reading the 18th century French equivalent to a daytime soap opera, otherwise known as Fantômas. Overall, a boring, dreary day at work, but interrupted by a few pleasant text messages. Unfortunately, I could not get the image of my freeway flasher out of my head. So I headed home feeling somewhat dejected, hoping, but doubting, that I could be cheered up at dinner with my parents.
When I got home, my second birthday surprise was waiting for me. A lovely bouquet of spring flowers with a very sweet note had been sent to my house. Then, my mother presented me with a small box of gourmet chocolates and one of her signature, corny birthday cards. Within 5 minutes I had a smile on my face again! So I went to dinner with the 'rents and Katie/Steve-o, where I got my favorite grilled mahi tacos- yum! And when I got home, I got a great phone call from Amy, Katie, and Sam wishing me happy birthday. Tonight- a warm bed, some chocolates, and probably reruns of The Office on Netflix.
Needless to say, this was a day of ups and downs. But the thing that leaves me smiling at the end of it are the efforts made by my family and friends. The ones who really, truly love me. When I was convinced that the day was ruined, and my mood couldn't possibly be improved, a few people really swept in and proved me wrong. There also something to be said for all of the facebook wall posts which I've been reading since I got home. I know that it's a small effort, but it really does make me happy to know that I know so many great, friendly people. So, to anyone and everyone that made today great, THANK YOU! It meant a lot to me, and I hope that I can return the favor to some, if not all, of you someday!
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
"My Problems" People
I had an interesting conversation with someone a few weeks ago regarding a potential blog topic, and the idea has popped into my mind quite a bit lately. It's one of those topics of conversation that strikes you at first, whizzes around your brain for a few moments, and is quickly passed over as you move onto further stimulating chit chat. But then a few days later, something happens, and you have that Ah ha! moment of remembering "that really interesting thing that you heard last Friday night." From then on, the moments begin to pile up- once, twice a day sometimes, until you wonder, "How has this never occurred to me before?" Well, it's time to discuss this one.
The topic: "My problems" people.
The issue: Everyone knows those few people whose problems are the most important issues on the planet, no matter what, at all times. You may call them with a question, a problem of your own, or even just to pass the time while you're driving, but in a matter of a few minutes you will be silenced by the emotionally distressed grump on the other end of the line. You may not realize this, but you have become the eternal ear of sympathy, perpetually expected to listen patiently and assure your friend that "everything will work out." Bottom line: they will ALWAYS have a problem, and it will ALWAYS take precedence.
There are some fairly serious criteria involved in being dubbed a "My Problems" Person, (and yes, I am taking suggestions for a catchier moniker). I feel that I have to begin by designating what is acceptable in a normal, venting situation. You are merely venting to a friend if:
1. You precede your conversation by asking if they would mind providing a kind ear of sympathy, including an assurance that you will try to keep your complaints brief. (aka. Ask them if you can bitch for a few minutes, but tell them you'll shut up after you get it out of your system).
2. You allot an appropriate amount of venting time based on the severity of the problem. (aka. You are sunburnt from falling asleep in the tanning bed, 30 seconds. Your roommate has disappeared and in the process stolen your laptop, iPod, favorite pair of Lacoste sunglasses, oh, and your boyfriend- I'll give you 20 mins.)
3. You are perceptive of when someone else may be tired, stressed, or in the midst of their own issues, and can consciously abstain from shifting their attention onto your problems. (aka. If your friend is having a bad day, don't make it worse by trying to "out-do" them. True, distracting people from their worries can be helpful, but do it with a joke, not by one-upping them.)
If you feel that you adhere, for the most part, to those three standards- you are not a "My Problems" person. However, if your reaction to disappointments, mistakes, cruelty or catastrophes is to develop a dramatic version of the story to deliver to every friend, family member, or hairdresser that crosses your path for a week, you may be a "My Problems" person. If you find that you are being cut off mid-sentence by a friend who has to get off the phone, and the call-timer is over 30 minutes, and your mouth is dry from talking non-stop about a trivial problem, you may be a "My Problems" person. I think you get the point.
Conversations with these people are exhausting, because it seems that not only do they cling on to every one of life's little hiccups, but they seek them out. If nothing particularly bad or dramatic has happened to them recently, they will rack their brains for any small episode that they can turn into a catastrophic event. Well, I think I've come to a conclusion as to why they do this, and it's much more than just petty attention. It's a fact of human nature that everyone enjoys being nurtured and taken care of. It makes us feel good to think that someone actually gives a damn if we are happy. I think that these people just crave sympathy more than most because they associate it with genuine friendship. They feel cared about. There is a sense of intimacy and importance when they hear reassurance in a friend's voice. But there is a silent line that is crossed by the friends of "My Problems" people when those reassurances become merely habit.
The hard part about this whole thing is, no one ever realizes that they are this person. If they understood the fatigue felt by their friends after an everyday conversation, they would learn to press their own censor buttons. Everyone has their problems, small or life-altering, and a good friend will always be happy to listen to a little venting. It's give-and-take. But the unfortunate fact of the matter is, at some point, a person can only take so much.
The topic: "My problems" people.
The issue: Everyone knows those few people whose problems are the most important issues on the planet, no matter what, at all times. You may call them with a question, a problem of your own, or even just to pass the time while you're driving, but in a matter of a few minutes you will be silenced by the emotionally distressed grump on the other end of the line. You may not realize this, but you have become the eternal ear of sympathy, perpetually expected to listen patiently and assure your friend that "everything will work out." Bottom line: they will ALWAYS have a problem, and it will ALWAYS take precedence.
There are some fairly serious criteria involved in being dubbed a "My Problems" Person, (and yes, I am taking suggestions for a catchier moniker). I feel that I have to begin by designating what is acceptable in a normal, venting situation. You are merely venting to a friend if:
1. You precede your conversation by asking if they would mind providing a kind ear of sympathy, including an assurance that you will try to keep your complaints brief. (aka. Ask them if you can bitch for a few minutes, but tell them you'll shut up after you get it out of your system).
2. You allot an appropriate amount of venting time based on the severity of the problem. (aka. You are sunburnt from falling asleep in the tanning bed, 30 seconds. Your roommate has disappeared and in the process stolen your laptop, iPod, favorite pair of Lacoste sunglasses, oh, and your boyfriend- I'll give you 20 mins.)
3. You are perceptive of when someone else may be tired, stressed, or in the midst of their own issues, and can consciously abstain from shifting their attention onto your problems. (aka. If your friend is having a bad day, don't make it worse by trying to "out-do" them. True, distracting people from their worries can be helpful, but do it with a joke, not by one-upping them.)
If you feel that you adhere, for the most part, to those three standards- you are not a "My Problems" person. However, if your reaction to disappointments, mistakes, cruelty or catastrophes is to develop a dramatic version of the story to deliver to every friend, family member, or hairdresser that crosses your path for a week, you may be a "My Problems" person. If you find that you are being cut off mid-sentence by a friend who has to get off the phone, and the call-timer is over 30 minutes, and your mouth is dry from talking non-stop about a trivial problem, you may be a "My Problems" person. I think you get the point.
Conversations with these people are exhausting, because it seems that not only do they cling on to every one of life's little hiccups, but they seek them out. If nothing particularly bad or dramatic has happened to them recently, they will rack their brains for any small episode that they can turn into a catastrophic event. Well, I think I've come to a conclusion as to why they do this, and it's much more than just petty attention. It's a fact of human nature that everyone enjoys being nurtured and taken care of. It makes us feel good to think that someone actually gives a damn if we are happy. I think that these people just crave sympathy more than most because they associate it with genuine friendship. They feel cared about. There is a sense of intimacy and importance when they hear reassurance in a friend's voice. But there is a silent line that is crossed by the friends of "My Problems" people when those reassurances become merely habit.
The hard part about this whole thing is, no one ever realizes that they are this person. If they understood the fatigue felt by their friends after an everyday conversation, they would learn to press their own censor buttons. Everyone has their problems, small or life-altering, and a good friend will always be happy to listen to a little venting. It's give-and-take. But the unfortunate fact of the matter is, at some point, a person can only take so much.
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