"My Problems" People

I had an interesting conversation with someone a few weeks ago regarding a potential blog topic, and the idea has popped into my mind quite a bit lately. It's one of those topics of conversation that strikes you at first, whizzes around your brain for a few moments, and is quickly passed over as you move onto further stimulating chit chat. But then a few days later, something happens, and you have that Ah ha! moment of remembering "that really interesting thing that you heard last Friday night." From then on, the moments begin to pile up- once, twice a day sometimes, until you wonder, "How has this never occurred to me before?" Well, it's time to discuss this one.

The topic: "My problems" people.
The issue: Everyone knows those few people whose problems are the most important issues on the planet, no matter what, at all times. You may call them with a question, a problem of your own, or even just to pass the time while you're driving, but in a matter of a few minutes you will be silenced by the emotionally distressed grump on the other end of the line. You may not realize this, but you have become the eternal ear of sympathy, perpetually expected to listen patiently and assure your friend that "everything will work out." Bottom line: they will ALWAYS have a problem, and it will ALWAYS take precedence.

There are some fairly serious criteria involved in being dubbed a "My Problems" Person, (and yes, I am taking suggestions for a catchier moniker). I feel that I have to begin by designating what is acceptable in a normal, venting situation. You are merely venting to a friend if:
1. You precede your conversation by asking if they would mind providing a kind ear of sympathy, including an assurance that you will try to keep your complaints brief. (aka. Ask them if you can bitch for a few minutes, but tell them you'll shut up after you get it out of your system).
2. You allot an appropriate amount of venting time based on the severity of the problem. (aka. You are sunburnt from falling asleep in the tanning bed, 30 seconds. Your roommate has disappeared and in the process stolen your laptop, iPod, favorite pair of Lacoste sunglasses, oh, and your boyfriend- I'll give you 20 mins.)
3. You are perceptive of when someone else may be tired, stressed, or in the midst of their own issues, and can consciously abstain from shifting their attention onto your problems. (aka. If your friend is having a bad day, don't make it worse by trying to "out-do" them. True, distracting people from their worries can be helpful, but do it with a joke, not by one-upping them.)

If you feel that you adhere, for the most part, to those three standards- you are not a "My Problems" person. However, if your reaction to disappointments, mistakes, cruelty or catastrophes is to develop a dramatic version of the story to deliver to every friend, family member, or hairdresser that crosses your path for a week, you may be a "My Problems" person. If you find that you are being cut off mid-sentence by a friend who has to get off the phone, and the call-timer is over 30 minutes, and your mouth is dry from talking non-stop about a trivial problem, you may be a "My Problems" person. I think you get the point.

Conversations with these people are exhausting, because it seems that not only do they cling on to every one of life's little hiccups, but they seek them out. If nothing particularly bad or dramatic has happened to them recently, they will rack their brains for any small episode that they can turn into a catastrophic event. Well, I think I've come to a conclusion as to why they do this, and it's much more than just petty attention. It's a fact of human nature that everyone enjoys being nurtured and taken care of. It makes us feel good to think that someone actually gives a damn if we are happy. I think that these people just crave sympathy more than most because they associate it with genuine friendship. They feel cared about. There is a sense of intimacy and importance when they hear reassurance in a friend's voice. But there is a silent line that is crossed by the friends of "My Problems" people when those reassurances become merely habit.

The hard part about this whole thing is, no one ever realizes that they are this person. If they understood the fatigue felt by their friends after an everyday conversation, they would learn to press their own censor buttons. Everyone has their problems, small or life-altering, and a good friend will always be happy to listen to a little venting. It's give-and-take. But the unfortunate fact of the matter is, at some point, a person can only take so much.

A Moment in the Rain

Tonight is the first spring rainstorm. As I sit next to my open bedroom window, anticipating the first rumble of thunder, I can't help but be content. What is it about thunderstorms that makes everything seem so mellow? Cool gusts of air carry the scent of fresh rain into my bedroom and everything else seems just a little bit quieter. I can hear the light tinkle of the wind-chime on our patio, and the sounds of television and laughter downstairs is the only interruption to this sweet moment of meditation.

I love to be outside during a rainstorm. I've always found ways to sit and enjoy the soft, soothing sounds of drops hitting the trees and ground. One year it was my apartment balcony, alone with a glass of wine, sunk into a canvas chair, wrapped tightly in a blanket to shield me from the cold breezes. Last year it was the patio overhang outside of my window, guarded from the shower by a few feet of roof up above. I used to see people as they left the nearby bars, and they had no idea I was watching from above as they scurried down the sidewalk and into their warm cars and houses.

There are two very different kinds of rainstorms. The cold storms, that cover your body in goosebumps and make you crave the warmth of your own bed. And then there are the warm storms that, if you're like me, make you want to stand with your face to the sky and let the water soak through your hair and clothes. I can't say which of these I like better, I suppose it depends on the experience. A warm day of puddle jumping with a friend in a watery parking lot is difficult to compare to a cool night of solitary contemplation on the balcony.

I don't know exactly what it is- the smell, the sound, or the feeling of it, but I do know that I'm always a little bit happier during a rainstorm.

The shower outside has slowed, for now. But I look forward to these unexpected moments of felicity in the next few months. It's going to be a wonderful spring.

I Blame the Economy

As promised, here is the sequel to my previous post.


I'm not sure how many of you have noticed the alarming new trend of 21 to 25 year old engagements/marriages/pregnancies, but I have been shocked by the numbers in recent months. A trend that I'm convinced is new, based on conversations with older friends who have told me that this did not take place in their early 20s. I'm going to preface this entry by saying that the following is purely my opinion. I don't want to be misinterpreted as disapproving of my friends' choices. I absolutely believe that every one of my engaged and married friends are intelligent, passionate people who have been lucky enough to find love early on in their lives. That said, I can't ignore the fact that I have few to no single girl friends at this time- a fact which has disturbed and (sometimes) annoyed me as of late.

So here goes.

It's no secret that economic dips and fluctuations have historically affected national birth rates, exhibit A: the Baby Boomers. During the post WWII era, as the American economy began to rise from the Depression and War decades, there was an enormous leap in the number of little bundles of joy. Why? Because people wanted to be happy. People wanted to forget about the difficult times, and cling to matters of personal importance, like family. So what's to say that a similar trend couldn't be taking place at this very moment in time?

I don't anticipate my generation bringing about a new Baby Boom, considering the vast differences in culture, traditions, and not to mention birth control between the 1950s and 2010. However, I think I've come up with a theory to explain why in the past year I've celebrated the engagements and marriages of fifteen+ 22/23 year olds. And yes, I did just stop typing for a moment to make a list, but decided to stop after fifteen names. I think you get my point.

In an attempt to reserve my strongest personal opinions on this matter, the explanation I am about to offer is the most sensible one I can come up with. This is a generation that has undergone ridiculous politics, a confusing and highly controversial war (or should I say wars?), we've witnessed and remember episodes like Columbine, 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina, and have personally dealt with a transition into financial independence during a time of massive economic instabilities. We all have debt, whether it be from school loans or credit cards, and a startlingly low percentage of us have achieved employment or acceptance into higher education. So what else is there for us to celebrate upon our arrival into the world of post-graduate adulthood? Our personal relationships.

I think that in order to distract ourselves from the big bad scary economy right now, it just feels good to have someone at the end of the day to make us happy. And as much as I'm probably going to offend some people by saying this, I really do think that some of these very young people are jumping into a serious life-altering decision a bit too early. I hope I'm wrong about this, and that there is secretly some other reason for this current trend. A secret that will prove these relationships to be more successful than statistics say they will be...

I decided to publish this post after months of conversations with people, of all ages, who are shocked at the number of my engaged and married friends. This theory began as a sort of joke, but I've had too many people agree with the legitimacy of the argument to keep quiet. But, then again, what do I know?

22 and Clueless

I had an interesting conversation last week at (where else?) a bar, with a 30 year old man who was not afraid to share with me his thoughts on women in their early twenties. Apparently, we just don't know what we want. And much to his surprise, I was in total agreement.

I think he expected a firm rebuttal in defense of myself and my clueless compatriots, but instead received a smile and an enthusiastic nod. Considering it took me several minutes to decide which micro-brewed beer to order on $1.50 beer night at the Blue Moose, I was in no position to assert myself as a confident and decisive woman. Hell, I change hair color every other month, I could practically be the poster girl for his campaign.

Now, this isn't to say that I'm apathetic. No, there is a fine distinction between being clueless about what you want, and not caring about what you get. When else in your life do you face an infinite number of open doors and possibilities, and still maintain a level of comfort knowing that there is always time to try something else? In accordance with the "Live every day like it's your last" philosophy, I say go with your gut and enjoy every second of it. Even if you make the "wrong" choice, whether it be a job, a relationship, or something trivial like what to put on your Chipotle burrito, at least you chose.

I am 22 and clueless as to what I want in life. One day I might want a career, to be halfway across the country, to be single and unrestrained, and to live for myself. Other days I'm content in my parents' house, and I crave the companionship of Mr. Right, sometimes spending hours daydreaming about that week's flavor. The ping pong game inside my head can be maddening, but it's okay. I don't need to know right now. As long as I go for what makes me happy, (and do my best to avoid choices with potentially devastating consequences), I'll get where I need to be, one day.



A sequel to this post will be added at a later date, concerning the outrageous trend of 22 year old women committing themselves to engagements, marriages, and even children- and my philosophy that the current economy is to blame.

Would you buy this book?

Here are a few samples of novel summaries that I've written for works about to be published. Not sure yet if these will appear on the books themselves, but they will be used on sites like Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com as the product descriptions for these works. Would you buy any of these?

Selected Poems
By Thomas Hardy

In the sphere of poets like Swift, Meredith and Kipling, Thomas Hardy is today becoming recognized as one of the greatest English poets of the 20th century. As a young man with interests in journalism, art, and architecture, Hardy achieved greatness in the fiction genre early on, writing novels for a living until his mid-fifties. He then abandoned fiction entirely in order to devote himself to his true passion- poetry. This ample selection of poems demonstrates Hardy's experimentation with intricate stanza forms and rhyme schemes, as well as his genius for rhetorical ambiguity. Set in his native, rural Dorset, his Selected Poems include such well-known pieces as "During Wind and Rain," "Afterwards," "The Darkling Thrush," and "The Oxen." Although most of the acclaim for his poetry was received posthumously, Hardy's poetry evokes themes and ideas that transcend time. Readers today still enjoy these poems of love, nature, and life's little ironies.

Chronicles of the Crusades
By Jean de Joinville, Geffroy de Villehardouin

The individual narratives brought together here reveal insight into the two hundred year struggle for possession of Jerusalem, in the words of two soldiers who participated first-hand in the bloody campaigns. Geffroy de Villehardouin (1150-1212?) was an appointed marshal of Champagne, France, whose Conquest of Constantinople recounts the controversial Fourth Crusade of 1204, against Eastern Christians in the Latin empire of Constantinople. Jean de Joinville (1224-1317) inherited the office of seneschal of Champagne at a young age, and wrote Life of Saint Louis after having accompanied King Louis IX on his first crusade and later living as a friend in his court. These accounts, originally composed in Old French, are considered to be some of the most accurate portrayals of the Crusades, and give fascinating insight into the religious and political fervor that sparked centuries of brutal battles and the struggle for holy conquest.

Otto of the Silver Hand
By Howard Pyle

Written in the style of traditional Arthurian legends, Otto of the Silver Hand is a scathing tale of the realities behind the chivalric ideal. During the course of his studies of medieval society, in preparation to write a magnificent series on King Arthur's Court, Howard Pyle shockingly discovered a mentality of cruelty and vengefulness among the legendary knights, which he brings to light in this work. However, these criticisms cannot overshadow the high sense of adventure in the story and illustrations of Otto, the gentle-natured son of a German warlord who, reclaimed from a monastery at age 12, suffers under the hands of a vengeful family rival, Baron Henry. While being held prisoner he falls in love with Baron Henry's daughter, Pauline, until he's rescued by his father and escapes his captor's grasp. The chase ensues in this epic tale of a young man overcoming hatred and strife with goodness and love.


I've written 22 of these summaries, I'll post them periodically among my personal writings!