Too Many Clichés to Count (sorry it's just one of those days)

I've often heard the phrase, "starting a new chapter in life," when people are going through a change- whether it be a breakup, a new job, a new home, or even just a new haircut. I've said this myself in the past year . . . too many times to count. I always anticipated that this stage of my life would be a rough one, and I feel that I've almost turned that pivotal page. The problem lies in the fact that although I might be moving forward (or sideways or diagonal or up a flight of stairs), the rest of the world isn't always with me.

I'd be interested to know how many people out there feel like I do. Who else thinks there's just a few things we're having difficulty moving on from? And I don't mean moving out of your parents' house or missing Lawrence drink prices. I know we're all working our butts off to get where we want to be job-wise, money-wise, and home-wise, but there are other areas of life that are a bit stickier. With all this change taking place, why can't we accept that we're becoming different people? It's naive to believe that in the midst of so many transitions, people and relationships will remain static. They just can't.

It's not only that the world isn't moving forward at the same pace, but I feel like I'm on the short end of the tug-of-war rope, about to be pulled into the mud. Those of us who are more than ready to move forward and start our new chapters are quietly nudging some of our companions along. The trouble is, I feel like too many people around me are desperately resisting change, and yanking on that rope to pull me back into their comfort zones. Seriously, I wouldn't mind having a few more people on my side of the rope. (Have I used enough metaphors for you yet? At least I'm not talking about spreading my wings or leaving the nest. Yet...)

We don't have to be sad that things aren't staying the same. It's okay to let some people and experiences pass into memory, and acknowledge that people are always changing. What was good for us in the past might not be right for us today.

So I've come to the conclusion that, inevitably, some things must be left behind. I'm not happy about it, but I'm surprisingly not that sad either. It just needs to be done. I know that twenty-somethings are renowned for their attitudes of self-centeredness, and our egos are as big now as they will probably ever be, but that's a good thing if you think about it. It's imperative to take a look at yourself and decide what is important, and what needs to be let go. It may come off as selfish, but it's really just part of life. You've got to get what you want now, don't waste time.



I'm hoping that my next post will be comparatively lighter, possibly on the following topics: the Pygmy Marmoset (the world's smallest monkey, so freaking cute), the upcoming birthday, searching for an apartment, or the perfect hangover food. Suggestions?

"My Problems" People

I had an interesting conversation with someone a few weeks ago regarding a potential blog topic, and the idea has popped into my mind quite a bit lately. It's one of those topics of conversation that strikes you at first, whizzes around your brain for a few moments, and is quickly passed over as you move onto further stimulating chit chat. But then a few days later, something happens, and you have that Ah ha! moment of remembering "that really interesting thing that you heard last Friday night." From then on, the moments begin to pile up- once, twice a day sometimes, until you wonder, "How has this never occurred to me before?" Well, it's time to discuss this one.

The topic: "My problems" people.
The issue: Everyone knows those few people whose problems are the most important issues on the planet, no matter what, at all times. You may call them with a question, a problem of your own, or even just to pass the time while you're driving, but in a matter of a few minutes you will be silenced by the emotionally distressed grump on the other end of the line. You may not realize this, but you have become the eternal ear of sympathy, perpetually expected to listen patiently and assure your friend that "everything will work out." Bottom line: they will ALWAYS have a problem, and it will ALWAYS take precedence.

There are some fairly serious criteria involved in being dubbed a "My Problems" Person, (and yes, I am taking suggestions for a catchier moniker). I feel that I have to begin by designating what is acceptable in a normal, venting situation. You are merely venting to a friend if:
1. You precede your conversation by asking if they would mind providing a kind ear of sympathy, including an assurance that you will try to keep your complaints brief. (aka. Ask them if you can bitch for a few minutes, but tell them you'll shut up after you get it out of your system).
2. You allot an appropriate amount of venting time based on the severity of the problem. (aka. You are sunburnt from falling asleep in the tanning bed, 30 seconds. Your roommate has disappeared and in the process stolen your laptop, iPod, favorite pair of Lacoste sunglasses, oh, and your boyfriend- I'll give you 20 mins.)
3. You are perceptive of when someone else may be tired, stressed, or in the midst of their own issues, and can consciously abstain from shifting their attention onto your problems. (aka. If your friend is having a bad day, don't make it worse by trying to "out-do" them. True, distracting people from their worries can be helpful, but do it with a joke, not by one-upping them.)

If you feel that you adhere, for the most part, to those three standards- you are not a "My Problems" person. However, if your reaction to disappointments, mistakes, cruelty or catastrophes is to develop a dramatic version of the story to deliver to every friend, family member, or hairdresser that crosses your path for a week, you may be a "My Problems" person. If you find that you are being cut off mid-sentence by a friend who has to get off the phone, and the call-timer is over 30 minutes, and your mouth is dry from talking non-stop about a trivial problem, you may be a "My Problems" person. I think you get the point.

Conversations with these people are exhausting, because it seems that not only do they cling on to every one of life's little hiccups, but they seek them out. If nothing particularly bad or dramatic has happened to them recently, they will rack their brains for any small episode that they can turn into a catastrophic event. Well, I think I've come to a conclusion as to why they do this, and it's much more than just petty attention. It's a fact of human nature that everyone enjoys being nurtured and taken care of. It makes us feel good to think that someone actually gives a damn if we are happy. I think that these people just crave sympathy more than most because they associate it with genuine friendship. They feel cared about. There is a sense of intimacy and importance when they hear reassurance in a friend's voice. But there is a silent line that is crossed by the friends of "My Problems" people when those reassurances become merely habit.

The hard part about this whole thing is, no one ever realizes that they are this person. If they understood the fatigue felt by their friends after an everyday conversation, they would learn to press their own censor buttons. Everyone has their problems, small or life-altering, and a good friend will always be happy to listen to a little venting. It's give-and-take. But the unfortunate fact of the matter is, at some point, a person can only take so much.

A Moment in the Rain

Tonight is the first spring rainstorm. As I sit next to my open bedroom window, anticipating the first rumble of thunder, I can't help but be content. What is it about thunderstorms that makes everything seem so mellow? Cool gusts of air carry the scent of fresh rain into my bedroom and everything else seems just a little bit quieter. I can hear the light tinkle of the wind-chime on our patio, and the sounds of television and laughter downstairs is the only interruption to this sweet moment of meditation.

I love to be outside during a rainstorm. I've always found ways to sit and enjoy the soft, soothing sounds of drops hitting the trees and ground. One year it was my apartment balcony, alone with a glass of wine, sunk into a canvas chair, wrapped tightly in a blanket to shield me from the cold breezes. Last year it was the patio overhang outside of my window, guarded from the shower by a few feet of roof up above. I used to see people as they left the nearby bars, and they had no idea I was watching from above as they scurried down the sidewalk and into their warm cars and houses.

There are two very different kinds of rainstorms. The cold storms, that cover your body in goosebumps and make you crave the warmth of your own bed. And then there are the warm storms that, if you're like me, make you want to stand with your face to the sky and let the water soak through your hair and clothes. I can't say which of these I like better, I suppose it depends on the experience. A warm day of puddle jumping with a friend in a watery parking lot is difficult to compare to a cool night of solitary contemplation on the balcony.

I don't know exactly what it is- the smell, the sound, or the feeling of it, but I do know that I'm always a little bit happier during a rainstorm.

The shower outside has slowed, for now. But I look forward to these unexpected moments of felicity in the next few months. It's going to be a wonderful spring.

I Blame the Economy

As promised, here is the sequel to my previous post.


I'm not sure how many of you have noticed the alarming new trend of 21 to 25 year old engagements/marriages/pregnancies, but I have been shocked by the numbers in recent months. A trend that I'm convinced is new, based on conversations with older friends who have told me that this did not take place in their early 20s. I'm going to preface this entry by saying that the following is purely my opinion. I don't want to be misinterpreted as disapproving of my friends' choices. I absolutely believe that every one of my engaged and married friends are intelligent, passionate people who have been lucky enough to find love early on in their lives. That said, I can't ignore the fact that I have few to no single girl friends at this time- a fact which has disturbed and (sometimes) annoyed me as of late.

So here goes.

It's no secret that economic dips and fluctuations have historically affected national birth rates, exhibit A: the Baby Boomers. During the post WWII era, as the American economy began to rise from the Depression and War decades, there was an enormous leap in the number of little bundles of joy. Why? Because people wanted to be happy. People wanted to forget about the difficult times, and cling to matters of personal importance, like family. So what's to say that a similar trend couldn't be taking place at this very moment in time?

I don't anticipate my generation bringing about a new Baby Boom, considering the vast differences in culture, traditions, and not to mention birth control between the 1950s and 2010. However, I think I've come up with a theory to explain why in the past year I've celebrated the engagements and marriages of fifteen+ 22/23 year olds. And yes, I did just stop typing for a moment to make a list, but decided to stop after fifteen names. I think you get my point.

In an attempt to reserve my strongest personal opinions on this matter, the explanation I am about to offer is the most sensible one I can come up with. This is a generation that has undergone ridiculous politics, a confusing and highly controversial war (or should I say wars?), we've witnessed and remember episodes like Columbine, 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina, and have personally dealt with a transition into financial independence during a time of massive economic instabilities. We all have debt, whether it be from school loans or credit cards, and a startlingly low percentage of us have achieved employment or acceptance into higher education. So what else is there for us to celebrate upon our arrival into the world of post-graduate adulthood? Our personal relationships.

I think that in order to distract ourselves from the big bad scary economy right now, it just feels good to have someone at the end of the day to make us happy. And as much as I'm probably going to offend some people by saying this, I really do think that some of these very young people are jumping into a serious life-altering decision a bit too early. I hope I'm wrong about this, and that there is secretly some other reason for this current trend. A secret that will prove these relationships to be more successful than statistics say they will be...

I decided to publish this post after months of conversations with people, of all ages, who are shocked at the number of my engaged and married friends. This theory began as a sort of joke, but I've had too many people agree with the legitimacy of the argument to keep quiet. But, then again, what do I know?