My Newfound Respect for Squirrels

(originally written July 2007)

my dad has been battling with the squirrels in our backyard this summer. the spoils: my dad's tomatoes. after fruitless attempts to deter the squirrels with netting, traps, even poison, dad has reverted to more extreme measures. yes, he can now be seen patrolling the patio and deck, pellet gun in hand, ready to exterminate any squirrel that dares cross into Theurer territory. The battle has been raging for several weeks now. the score: tim: 2, squirrels: about 100. These clever little rodents can be seen carrying their green prizes away from the heavily netted plants at all times, much to Tim's dismay. Even the presence of Tim's two appointed guards, Pete and Mona, aren't enough to scare them. 

Tonight, the battle reached new heights. Thirty feet away from the swingset, where a 4"X6" sheet of paper used as target practice hangs, is the patio table. To protect his unripened tomatoes that have fallen off the vines, Tim placed a metal, perforated bowl (normally used to drop turkeys in the fryer) over the fruit. As I opened the door to let the guards back out on duty, I saw one of the enemy combatants hop from tree limb to roof, tomato in tow, and disappear. Yes, the squirrels have now learned to lift up the heavy metal bowl in order to take their spoils. It's as if Tim laid them out as a peace-offering. But no, Tim was out the door, gun in hand within seconds. It was the fastest I'd see the old man move since The Great China Buffet opened in '98. To add insult to injury, the clever squirrel left the bowl propped up on another tomato, in case his friends wanted to drop by later for a late-night snack. 

Who will win the war? Stand by for further updates.