Starting the New Year Off Happy

Having taken an hiatus from writing the past few weeks, I felt the urge to get back on the blogging bandwagon after lunch with my friend Anna today. We were enjoying a steaming hot plate of our favorite pad thai when, out of the blue, Anna told me that I seemed really happy. Not cheery, per say, or chipper like I'd gotten a good night's sleep, but simply - happy. She told me that I seemed to be in a really good place, with a positive outlook on life and the world around me. The words bright and aura may have even entered the conversation. So I got to thinking, I really am happy right now.

It comes as a surprise to me that I've resurfaced from a long dive into what seemed like the most depressed two months of my life, and am now genuinely optimistic. Starting in November with my unfortunate auto accident (my fault), to not getting my dream internship, to all my Christmas money going to the car insurance deductible, and finally wrapping it up with a nice new years bow of borrowing my mother's new Nissan and returning it sans one window thanks to a break-in, I can't deny that I've spent many days recently in the comfort of my dark bedroom. Watching the Office on Netflix. Refusing to set foot in the world lest I get struck by lightening. Oh did I mention- still single amongst a throng of happily coupled friends, with no prospects. All right Universe, I know Karma is a bitch, but lately she's been a bit of a heinous douchebag.

My question now is, what am I unconsciously doing right that my friend has noticed such a positive glow emanating from me?Could be the booze, I do enjoy a strong Irish Coffee in the mornings since the weather turned so bitterly cold. Just kidding! But really, I haven't been exercising, so it can't be endorphines... Maybe it's the joy of living with my increasingly senile parents and not having any money? No, pretty sure that's not it. Frankly, I'm stumped. But I'm kind of okay with that.

What I've come to realize is, maybe it's just part of my DNA to not sweat the small stuff. Maybe I really am an eternal optimist, as much as I'd like to deny it and embrace the witty, cynical person I'd kind of hoped I was. I just don't think I'm cut out for dark and depressing. Two days ago I bought Patti Stanger's book, Become Your Own Matchmaker, and what the Millionaire Matchmaker has taught me in only 4 short chapters is: You'll never be happy with someone until you're happy with yourself first. So that's what I'm going to do! No one is going to get me where I want to be in life, except me. Everyone has the power to control how their life will turn out, you just need the goals and determination to get there.

So here it is, my New Year's Resolution: STOP WASTING TIME. It does absolutely no good to wallow in self-pity about a job, a boy, living arrangements, or money. The harsh reality of being 22 is that no one is going to give you anything anymore. So I'm going to use this blog as a kind of self-checker, making myself accountable for where my life goes in the next year. If no one reads it, at least I'll feel responsible to the universe to make happen what I've set out for myself. So Universe, or Karma, or God or whoever, bring it on. Go ahead and push my buttons, it'll just make me want to kick ass that much harder.




As an afterthought, I realize this may come off as narcissistic/feminist/clichéd new years declarations, but it's what I need right now. And if it gets me to check off one more thing on my "to-do" list today, then so be it.