I don't really spend too much time proofing what I write here, I enjoy just getting it all out in one sitting, letting the words flow, and seeing what I end up with. It feels good not worrying about expectations or rules. If you don't like what I write, then you've only wasted a few minutes. But if I can put a smile on your face or an interesting thought in your mind, then I've done something worthwhile.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Who are the hunters?

I think I've been boy-crazy my entire life. And by think, I mean know, and have been told on more than one occasion. And as I've delved deeper into the world of adult dating, I've realized that this is a pretty dangerous trait to possess. The days of playing "hard-to-get" by leaving notes in each other's lockers are long past, and there are suddenly new, very serious, rules to follow in order to enter into a real relationship in your 20s. And on that subject I only have one thing to say-

F&#% that.

The anxiety that takes over a person within the first few weeks of dating is unnecessary, ridiculous, stressful and... completely exhilarating. I write this in hopes that I'm not alone, and that there are plenty of people out there who share this love/hate relationship with relationships. And for those of us brave enough to jump headfirst into what I still affectionately call a 'crush,' I'd like to address a few things. For centuries it was the man's job to make the first move, court the girl, and initiate the direction of the initial attraction. Then, I think sometime in the past few decades that rule became obsolete, and men were ostracized for these kinds of ideas. Hell, we're living in a generation where 40 and 50 something women are pursuing men, particularly the young, verile ones, in a manner that has earned them the name "cougars." But the trend is now taking a 180 back to the days of chivalry and tradition, and I find myself caught in the transition. So my first question is, who are the hunters?

Having asked many friends over the years for advice on "making the move," I think I've established that there are two types of men. The Hunters, and the Prey. Many of you are probably thinking that this completely applies to girls too, which it does! But for all intents and purposes right now, I'm going to stick with the guys. Plus, I'd rather not criticize my own sex, someone's got to stick up for us, right? But back to the point- There are Hunters and Prey, and no in-betweens. There are the guys that hunt down their target, stealthily move in, and thrive on the excitement of the chase. These are the expert game-players. The ones with rules about when to call, text, and meet. These are the ones that drive women crazy, know that they're doing it, and usually don't care about the casualties along the way. For them, there's always a new catch on the horizon...

Then there are the Prey, who absolutely love when a pretty, confident girl approaches them. They want the girl to make the moves, show her interest, and take things to the next level. Although I completely understand where they're coming from, these guys are treading dangerous ground if they don't step up and make a few moves themselves. No one should let themselves get completely comfortable with being the Prey, and accepting the fact that they can't face rejection if they don't put themselves out there. And there's just something about a guy that has a pair. The guy that can take his chances, risk rejection, and just go for it. But how do you tell the Hunter from the Prey anymore?

I typically go into each situation assuming the old "He's Just Not That Into You" mentality of: if he wants you, he will call you/see you/make it happen. But that's not always the case! Playing hard to get, which used to be the secret weapon of women in keeping men at the edge of their seats, has now been adopted by the Hunter to draw women out into the open. So when he's not calling you/seeing you/making it happen, he could be putting you right where he wants you. But then again, maybe he's the shy Prey, waiting for you to pounce on him! It's too confusing to try to guess, but I still find myself excited at the game.

So here's my idea: when you like someone, or even just think you might like someone, make it happen. There really isn't much to lose. I know the fear of coming on too strong keeps some people from calling or texting as often as they want to, but really, don't most people nowadays tell you if you're coming on too strong? Wouldn't you be able to tell if you're irritating someone that isn't actually interested back in you? So just go for it. And although I hate the "rules" and games and identity crises involved in dating, since everyone participates in them anyway, I hope some people still get as strangely excited about it as I do.

3 comments:

  1. I realize this may seem contradictory, that I'm frustrated but excited by the same thing. It's probably due to the fact that I still can't completely wrap my mind around the whole thing. I wish things could go back to the simple days of men as hunters. Patti Stanger has the right idea there!

    and I should also mention that this post is directed towards no one in particular, I've actually been thinking about it for quite a while, and it seems to be a universal conundrum.

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  2. I don't think the relationship between a man and a woman is as cut-and-dry as Hunters V. Prey. Yes, it's true, us dudes can totally hone in on some strange when we're feeling frisky, but there's also the undeniable truth that the guys who you deem "Hunters" inevitably turn out to be a-holes.

    The reverse is true of your "Prey" category. Often, these men aren't necessarily meek, they're just more choosy. These are the men who aren't willing to put themselves through an emotional trauma for something fleeting.

    Forsooth, there's definitely a kind of 'Kinsey Scale' of male aggressiveness and the men you're talking about fall in the extremes. There's a whole slew of bros in the middle who possess traits from both powersets.

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  3. I think you have a very valid point, and the issue is obviously more complicated than one can delve into on a personal blog, I just find myself more and more confused nowadays with the games, the rules, playing hard to get, being straightforward, etc. I just want it to be simple! aka. if you like someone, tell them. if you don't like someone, don't pretend to. Don't set restrictions on when or how often to call/text, just do it. I feel like everyone needs to at least have a little bit of the hunter mentality, instead of "playing the game." sometimes I think I have a bigger pair than half the guys I meet.

    huh... maybe that's why I'm still single...

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